Just a little bit more about culture--marriage?

Since my first post, going trough the third one, I have pointed out how many different cultures are in the world, so many life styles. I have also said that culture depends on how people see the world and understand everything around them. This post is focused on marriage, and as everything else I have talked about in my previous posts, that things vary from culture to culture, so is marriage as well. In this modern western culture, when we think about marriage, what first comes to mind perhaps, is the union of two opposite-sex persons united by love, with the purpose of creating a nuclear family and have children. However, around the world in different cultures, the concept and practice of marriage changes, a lot.

First of all, since the definition of marriage is very diverse in the world, anthropologists have created their own cross-cultural definition that covers most known cultures. There are three main characteristics anthropologist point in their definition: One, marriage is culturally constructed. This means that there is not a universal definition for marriage, rather that each culture, from their ethnocentric point of view, gives a particular definition. Of course, there are some similarities among many cultures, but I have read articles of very singular concepts about marriage. Two, marriage is an adjustment to a particular environment or context. Each type of marriage and concept makes sense on each culture from their point of view. Even one can find absolutely absurd, from one’s ethnocentric view, a kind of marriage, but for that culture makes completely meaning to them, and it is because its concept is shaped by the environment around them, and it meets specific needs for the culture’s survival. Three, marriage, in most cases, is more important to the context of society than to the people getting married. This means that marriage’s purposes and benefits go much further than the people getting united—it is more about creating social and community connections in order to survive according to each culture’s context. These three main points together is what many cultures share about marriage’s concept.

From the readings I did, one of the types of marriages that stroked me the most was about the called “walking marriage”. This type of marriage occurs among the ethnic group called Nari in southwestern China. This culture is matriarchal-based; the household turns around the mother. All children live with the mother even after maturity and they stay living with her with the purpose of taking care of her when she gets older. It can even not be called marriage, because, in theory is not a marriage since the father and mother don’t live together. It is more like a “visiting relationship between lovers”. What happens here is that, men go around their village and go meet a woman with whom they have sex. They meet during the night, and the next morning men go out. This is no more than a casual encounter, where the main purpose is to have children. Eventually, children will know who their father is; however, the relationship between them does not involve any social or economic obligation. All purposes of surviving and responsibilities of families goes toward the mother, people live with their mothers and for their mothers.

For me, marriage was all about love and connection; after reading this, I was shocked. I have lived my entire life with both my mother and father and with my siblings. The concept I have had my entire life about marriage is about a nuclear family, formed by the father the mother and children, living together in one house, parents working to survive, and educating children so later they go from home to repeat the same process. This is what I see to be the more rational definition for me, and of course it is, since I have live, and will keep living, based on what my parents taught me and what I learned from my culture. This is what I want to do later in my life when the right time comes.

Finally, with all this about marriage and culture aspects I have been reading so far in the semester, I get to a conclusion that had helped me in seeing the world around me differently. I see that cultures are really unique, that everybody has their own interpretation of the world and that sometimes is very difficult to understand them. But, no matter how odd for one or how senseless from one’s ethnocentric view a culture’s concept is, it would always have an explanation, and will always make sense for the other culture as they see the world. The same as happens to one looking at others, they could think the same about one. Something that is completely normal for one, and makes totally sense in its way, it may be totally strange for other people and they could find no explanation. I now see more clearly the real culture diversity we have in our world—what humans are and think. This is something we all have to be aware of in order to understand and coexist harmoniously in peace to live in a better world each day.

Even more about culture--mothers, children, raising.

Relationship between children and their mothers is the most universal relationship that exists. In all cultures (or most) this relationship has something special—it is different from any other relationship someone can have in his or her life. The mother is the person who had that someone inside her belly for nine months. She fed him/her and took care of. All this turns into love, and this love is what makes this relation so special and different from other. At the same time the mother is giving her love and doing what I said before, she is raising her children. The way of raising children, however, varies from culture to culture. This is because parents raise children in order for them to become acceptable adults in their society and play a good role in it.

In the readings for this week I read about things parents do when raising children and how culture shapes that. Mothers, however, have a more important role in this, because from the birth through the first years, in most cultures, she is the one that spends more time with children. From the readings one of the examples that impressed me the most was an article written by Ronald G. Barr. This article compares the baby’s cry between the !Kung and western culture. Barr explained how !Kung babies cries less than western babies. He says that, because !Kung mothers spend most of the day with heir babies, they respond to the minimum complain of the baby nursing and calming them. In contrast to western mothers, most of them do not spend much of the day with their babies and even leave them with a babysitter during the day. Once more, it can be seen how culture really shapes people lives.

I feel related to this since I am part of the western culture and I see how truly it is. But that is my culture, is part of who I am. That is the ways I was raised and I cannot change it. My mother is my mother, and is my only one. She is the one that had me inside her for nine months, took care of me (still does) and educated me to turn me into the person I am today. After reading about different relationship and ways of raising children in different cultures, I now appreciate more the way my mother raised me, and the kind of relationship I have with her. I now see how differently people, depending on culture, raise their children. I could not think how would it be if I wouldn’t be raised the way I was raised. Because of that, I am who I am.